Big Brother’s Overload
The order of birth within the family has a significant impact on the personality of children. But it is not something genetic, it is the consequence of the breeding that takes place with them. Many parents believe and affirm that they treat all their children the same, but on a subtle, unconscious level, the experience they provide to each of them is different. From this derives, on numerous occasions, the overload of the older brother.
It is possible that, without realizing it, you are placing loads on your first child’s shoulders that do not belong to him. You may not have noticed these distinctions or they may seem like a logical part of the family dynamic. After all, we cannot expect the same from a three-year-old as from a nine-year-old. However, sometimes we go too far in our demands on the older son.
What is Big Brother Overload?
Expectations are higher
Various studies have shown that parents place much higher expectations on their eldest child, being the first, than on their younger siblings. They expect superior academic performance from him and are more demanding regarding his personality and behavior.
Somehow it is believed that this child reflects the work of the parents. Therefore, they expect their behavior to be exemplary, thus attesting to their good parenting performance. They hope, then, that it is good, obedient, and successful.
In addition, it is in this child that the personal projects of each of the parents fall. If Dad loved playing basketball, he will push for his firstborn to share that passion. If mom dreamed of having a child who was excellent in math, she will wish to see her wish fulfilled.
With the rest of the brothers, all these pressures, demands and expectations have been diluted. Parents have had enough experience to know what parenting is and that you can’t always have everything under control. For this reason, with the following children they tend to adopt a more permissive, flexible and relaxed attitude.
Maturity is required
The first-born is the one who most accuses the arrival of a sibling, since it means losing his situation as an only child and beginning to share (or compete for) the attention and affection of his parents.
However, because he is the older brother, he is expected to have a maturity and tolerance perhaps not very adjusted to his age. Now that there are younger children, the older one is not allowed childish behaviors and is leveled up before he is ready.
Parents are less tolerant and understanding of their tantrums, tantrums, and whims. However, they demand that he be patient and tolerant of his younger siblings. Being the oldest, they ask for understanding and maturity when a conflict arises with their younger siblings, so a distinction is established in the behaviors that are accepted in both children.
You are burdened with improper responsibilities
Lastly, it is common for parents to expect the older child to assume adult responsibilities when they are not present. Often times, he is left in the care of younger siblings, tasked with looking after their well-being, and held accountable for what happens while no adults are present.
It is evident that helping in the care of younger siblings transmits great values such as empathy, responsibility or solidarity. However, we must not forget that, even if he is the older brother, he is still a child and we cannot burden him with excessive or inappropriate responsibilities. It is the task of parents to take care of their children and this cannot be delegated to an immature being.
Relieve Big Brother Overload
It is inevitable that the order of birth exerts some influence on the personality of children, for we are all human and no parent is perfect. However, as far as possible, we must be careful with the responsibilities and demands we place on the firstborn.
To alleviate the burden of the older brother, it is enough to remember his age, regardless of his position in the family. In this way, we will ensure that we treat you appropriately and hold you at an appropriate level. Let us also be a child.
